Welcome to the new year! A new start, a blank page, a new semester, a new day.
I’ve been struggling lately. with a whole multitude of things. And I’m about to get real honest here. #honestyhour
I struggle to keep my heart in check. I fall too hard and too quickly for a boy, and then it’s the same old story every time when they break my heart unknowingly.
I struggle with anxiety. My heart is a constant worrier.
And I struggle with putting God first and foremost in my life. putting Him in His rightful place as my Love, my Lord, Ruler of my life.
I just got off the phone with a dear friend from camp. She’s always such an encouragement and I love the precious hours we spend on the phone. I was confessing to her most of these things, and the stuff I’ve been struggling with lately. She’s been helping hold me accountable, as we both struggle with similar things. Confessing all these things, and saying them out loud was making them more real- negative thoughts began to creep in.
And then as I sat here about to close my computer, I heard this little voice, speaking through the negative thoughts that were clouding my head.
“It’s okay.”
God, like He often does, spoke directly to my heart. I am loved. Though I struggle. Though I fail. Though I screw up. Though my heart worries.
“I was just lying there, swimming in my own shame and guilt, when this still, small voice whispered into the depths of my soul:
I love you.
I desire you.
I delight in you.
I saw you were going to do that before I went to the cross and I still went.”
-Jefferson Bethke, “Jesus>Religion”
How incredible is that? God sees our every thought and action, our public and secret. He knows we’re going to fail. And He still chooses to forgive us. We can’t earn it. We don’t deserve it.
So yes, I’m imperfect. And filthy. And unclean. I am broken, but running towards the One who saved my soul, who loves me, who meets me where I am, and rescues me out of the darkness into His wonderful light. He took my guilt and shame of every mistake on His shoulders. And though I fail, it’s okay. Because I have a Savior and Redeemer who never does.
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace” Eph. 1:7
“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:18-19
We are free to struggle, but we are not struggling to be free. We serve a patient and loving God, who will walk with us through the storms and valleys of this life. He will let us fall and fail, but He will not let us drown.
Praise the Lord for that.
Have a blessed Sunday everyone.
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